James Bond (Sean Connery)Nationality: Scottish English
Location: Most of the time, London, England
Occupation: Secret Agent
Interested in: Women.
Likes: Card games and gambling (particularly baccarat), smoking, investigating crimes, vodka martinis, travelling around the world, motorboats, safe cracking, jet packs, golf, cars, helicopters, mid-air dogfights, faking my own death, spa weekends and massages, overpowering strong women, sleeping with the enemy and then disposing of her, using household appliances to kill people, making dry jokes- especially puns.
Dislikes: Spiders, being chased by helicopters, being lied to, Blofeld and SPECTRE.
I dream about: how amazing my life is, and all of the women I have conquered.
About me: I am a cool, calculating, methodical secret agent who loves his job mainly for the perks: fast cars, killing people and the gorgeous women. Because I’m so outrageously charming and ruggedly handsome, women are putty in my hands and will do anything I tell them to. Some people might say that I’m bossy and distrustful, but I just believe in the old saying: ‘treat them mean, keep them keen’. It works for me every time. In my line of work, women exist so that I can use them to get what I want, and to tell them what to do. And if they step out of line, and fail to listen to what I have to say, I’ll very quickly put them in their place with physical violence. Women love it when a man proves he is stronger and superior to them. There have been some women who were tough to crack, but if you are as patient, charismatic and tough as me, you will always be able to beat them down until they can no longer resist your masculine charms.
The first thing people usually notice about me is:my sensual smirk.
My favourite thing in the world is: Sabotaging every attempt to be rescued while stranded at sea so that I can make love to the woman who I have dragged along with me. I only allowed her to survive for this very purpose- women only exist to pleasure men.
The most intimate thing I am willing to admit is:I have some rather unusual fetishes. I love women’s mouths: you don’t need to ask why. I enjoy watching women catfight (especially if they’re Gypsies). And the big one: slapping and strangling women really turns me on (because I know they like it as much as I do!).
You should get in touch with me if: You’re looking for a walk on the wild side with the sexiest man in the world, bar none. You might get hurt, even killed, but there’s a slight chance you might survive a wild adventure with me so that we can make love when it’s all over.
I am looking for: casual sex/activity partners.
James Bond (George Lazenby)Nationality: Australian English
Location: Switzerland or Portugal
Occupation: Secret Agent
Interested in: Women. I love women.
Likes: Women, sex, saving women from themselves, fighting brawny men (especially brawling with them), card games, women’s perfume, horse riding with my special lady, bobsledding, Skiing, my family roots (as I am strongly proud of my heritage). I also enjoy saving hopelessly depressed women from suicide.
Dislikes: Blofeld (my arch enemy).
I dream about: One day finding the woman who I will marry, settle down with and give up my job for.
About me: I’m a fairly cautious chap who takes his job very seriously, but I’m even more serious when it comes to matters of the heart. Although, for my job, I have used women to extract relevant information pertaining to a case, and I have been rough with them, I really do believe in true love. The woman doesn’t have to be perfect; in fact, the more damaged the better, because I’m broken too: she just has to be impetuous, intelligent and hard to get, like myself, and will do anything for the man she loves, as I’ll do anything for her. I may cheat on her, but since it’s a part of my job description, little indiscretions like that can be ignored. Also, until I say those three little words and put a ring on her finger, I don’t have to be committed to just one woman. But I want to be.
The first thing people usually notice about me is:my smouldering swagger.
My favourite thing in the world is: Falling in love whilst horse riding and strolling through gardens and city centres as Louis Armstrong sings a beautiful ballad.
The most intimate thing I am willing to admit is: I absolutely adore making love to women who are wearing nothing but a fur coat. It’s even better in a barn, during a snowstorm, after a high speed car chase.
You should get in touch with me if: You’re a feisty, headstrong and intelligent independent woman who is looking for a man to love her for who she is, and rescue her from her troubled past.
I am looking for: a long term (open) relationship that will one day lead to marriage.
James Bond (Roger Moore)Nationality: English
Location: Based in London, England, but am international. I hardly ever stay too long in one place. I don’t want to be tied down.
Occupation: Secret Agent
Interested in: Beautiful women of all shapes, sizes and nationalities. If you’re good-looking and female, then that’s enough for me. I’ll do anything that moves, except girls under the age of 20. I may be very sexually explorative, but even I have limits.
Likes: Extreme sports e.g. skiing and ski jumps, mixed martial arts, jet skiing, fencing, scuba diving, mountain climbing, snowboarding and horse riding, Daredevil acts e.g. vine swinging, holding onto the outside of a light aircraft while it is flying and parachuting without a parachute, witty puns- I make them sound good, using women by tricking them into bed to get what I want and/or to complete or further my missions, being disarming, white tuxedos, booty calls, boxing, vintage wine, gadgets (especially watches), cars, driving in the country, travelling, casinos and casino games e.g. baccarat and backgammon, bombs (disabling them or using them against my enemies), dressing up and being in disguise, aeroplanes, hot air balloons, submarines (I was in the Navy you know), Faberge Eggs, boats (and making love on them), hot tubs and most of all, saving helpless women.
Dislikes: Snakes- all types but particularly poisonous and/or enormous ones, alligators, spiders, tigers, leeches, midgets, being hunted for sport, villainous henchmen with height impairments, sleeping gas, being out done or humiliated (particularly by a woman), helicopters, teenagers coming onto me, ice hockey, innocent people being brutally murdered- either my sidekicks or sexual conquests, people constantly trying to kill me, cheats and liars, exotic food e.g. stuffed sheep’s head, heights, being trapped in dangerous situations e.g. locked in a car and pushed into a river or trapped in an elevator that is on fire and finally, which may be a surprise to you since it is my occupation: killing people.
I dream about: All of the amazingly stunning women that I have, and will, make love to.
About me: First and foremost: I have nothing to hide. I am a complete gentleman. I always maintain a high level of charm, chivalry and politeness that is unmatched by anyone else in the world. It’s true: my line of work does mean that I have to be cautious, careful and alert, but that is no excuse for bad manners. Even though I am exceptionally busy, jet setting around the globe and taking down insane criminal geniuses, there is always an opportunity for romance: if you see the chance to bed a lady, then you take it. If nothing else is happening, fill your time with a wildly sensual one night stand. If you need to get information on the enemy you are tracking down- bed his mistress.
I’m a lover, not a fighter, so I if I drag you into my dangerous world of espionage and violence I’ll try my hardest to protect you- but there is a strong possibility you might be killed as a result of defecting to me. But just because I love what women provide for me, doesn’t mean I won’t do what I have to do to get what I want. Charm and seduction are always my first method, followed by trickery and bargaining, and then if this doesn’t work, I move onto more ruthless techniques such as violence, but this is always used as a last resort. I believe that payment for information and/or saving someone’s life should always be physical, because, to be honest, I don’t need the money, and I enjoy sex so much more. I used to strongly believe that women were good for one thing and one thing only, but in the course of my travels I've realised that sometimes women actually can be helpful in other areas too. It’s always a surprise to meet women with high standing jobs, but I guess times are changing and I should accept that women can now do things that men can, like be doctors.
Behind my charming smirk lies a much colder side of me, one that I don’t show too often. I like my enemies to think that I’m just some cheery Englishman who wouldn’t hurt a fly, because then they don’t see me as a threat. I was always taught to never be afraid or show fear to your enemies, and to always keep your composure. This throws them off guard, especially when I let them know who I am, and why I’m visiting them. Some people might think it’s stupid to be a Secret Agent who doesn’t even attempt to hide his identity, but on a mission I am expected to sacrifice myself, and so I do. It usually speeds the whole process up when your enemy knows who you are- they often make so many more mistakes in order to try to kill you quickly, usually by throwing their entire arsenal directly at you. And since I’m invincible and amazingly resourceful, their impatience always costs them their lives.
If you see an opportunity to outsmart your opponent and take them down- you use it. There’s no point in being a gentlemen when you are in a life or death situation. And even though I may lie and scheme to get what I want, if anyone is disloyal to me, or doesn’t do as I say, they will pay with their lives. Also, if you try to kill me, I won’t rest until you’re dead, but vengeance isn’t really my forte. As the Chinese say: before taking revenge dig two graves.
The first thing people usually notice about me is:How utterly charming and irresistible I am.
My favourite thing in the world is: Sex. Sex is my absolutely favourite thing. There’s nothing better than sex. But, it can be improved upon when journeying on a slow travelling vehicle. Trains, junk boats, submersible escape pods, submarines, even spaceships: sex is so much more invigorating in unique environments. Sex in zero gravity was particularly memorable, but I much prefer the old fashioned surroundings best of all: trains and boats.
The most intimate thing I am willing to admit is: My overactive libido always seems to get me into trouble. I constantly end up hiding women in wardrobes or cupboards from my employers and other women. I don’t know why I hide them, because everyone knows about my reputation as a Lothario.
You should get in touch with me if: you’re a gorgeous woman who enjoys a walk on the wild side with a man who is very sexually charged and believes that monogamy is as extinct as the dinosaurs.
I am looking for: casual sex/short term dating/activity partners
James Bond (Timothy Dalton)Nationality: English
Location: Eastern Europe, the Middle East or South America
Occupation: Secret Agent
Interested in: Clingy women
Likes: Guns of all shapes and sizes including sniper rifles, the fine arts- especially classical music and opera, vehicles- particularly cars with an array of gadgets, aeroplanes and motorboats, stunt driving- particularly in large oil tanker trucks, dare devil stunts such as riding down mountain sides on cello cases, parachuting, abseiling, and hanging onto the side of moving vehicles like aeroplanes and motorboats, hitch hiking, fun fairs (Roller coasters, bumper cars and Ferris wheels), free running, admitting when I’m wrong, horse riding, deserts, assisting freedom fighters, faking people’s deaths to avoid killing them, pillow fights, personalised lighters, revenge, murdering people who deserve it in unique and violent ways (e.g. feeding them to sharks, harpooning them, throwing people out of aeroplanes, getting people’s head exploded, setting fire to people), scuba diving, water skiing (preferably from the back of a light aircraft), bar fights, casinos and card games (blackjack is my favourite), gadgets, destroying property through arson attacks, brawling on moving vehicles, jumping off of balconies into swimming pools to make out with beautiful women.
Dislikes: Cellos (don’t ask why), colleagues being brutally murdered in front of me, being betrayed, being drugged, gun fights, maggots, being attacked by ninjas, being interrupted while trying to complete a mission, being tied up and put on a conveyor belt to be thrown into an industrial shredding machine.
I dream about: One day being able to stop resenting the women who have made me fall in love with them.
About me: I’m a new breed of secret agent. Although I may manipulate women to extract information and use innocent bystanders as bait- I won’t allow anyone under my watch to be killed. Human beings are not expendable. I believe this so strongly that I have even acted against orders and sabotaged my own missions to save the lives of others. That’s why I took this job: to protect people who can’t protect themselves.
Because of my stern demeanour, people might think that I am bossy, smug, impatient, cold and abrasive. And yes, sometimes I suppose I am a little highly strung. I don’t like being bossed around and told what to do by anyone, particularly women. But that doesn’t mean I’m not chivalrous. I am the type of guy who believes in old fashioned romance: weekend city getaways, wining and dining, stopping a Ferris wheel while it is at the top to make love… All of these things are what women want, and are how you should treat a lady you’re interested in. But, and it’s a big but, even though I do everything I can to prove to a lady how much I like her, I’ll never really trust her or let her in. My behaviour in relationships can be described as blowing hot and cold, as one minute we’ll be having a candlelit dinner and the next I’ll be shouting at you for making me do something that I didn’t want to. I don’t want to keep pushing people away, but as soon as a woman begins to assert any sort of authority over me, I get angry. No one tells me what to do. And when women make me feel powerless, I’ll become pretty rough with them to show them that I’m the one in charge- not them. But even though I may have explosive outbursts, you must remember that I will do anything to save the life of the lady in my life- I will not let any woman I’m in a relationship with be hurt or killed, and will do everything in my power to protect her.
Another thing you probably need to know about me is that I take everything very personally. This is because I’m very sentimental, and sensitive. But I find it hard to control my feelings, and so act in inappropriate ways. I recently went on a roaring rampage of revenge against a drug lord who tried to murder my best friend. Even though I had to quit my job and become a rogue agent, and in the process put many people’s lives at risk, including my own, and sabotaged other people’s missions against him, I managed to succeed in brutal, cunning vengeance. This not only proves my passion for justice, it also proves my loyalty to the people I am closet to. And one day, that could be you.
The first thing people usually notice about me is:My dashing good looks
My favourite thing in the world is: Being taken seriously, and being given the respect I deserve.
The most intimate thing I am willing to admit is: On my most recent mission, not only did I sleep with an incredibly attractive operative on a motorboat, I also cheated on her with the beautifully emotionally (and physically) damaged girlfriend of the drug lord I was pursuing. The best thing about this was that they were both aware of one another, and it didn’t seem to bother them. In fact they both continued to date me and both begged for my love and devotion. In the end, I chose one of them over the other, but only because I had managed to break her down into submission, and knew that she wouldn’t try to control me.
You should get in touch with me if: You are looking for a serious, strongly commanding man who will treat you like a princess as long as you don’t try to challenge his authority.
I am looking for: short term dating/ long term dating
James Bond (Pierce Brosnan)Nationality: Irish English
Location: Based in London, England, but am usually elsewhere
Occupation: Secret Agent
Interested in: Women, but I am a particular sucker for helpless women
Likes: Daredevil activities such as: bungee jumping, free falling off of mountains into aeroplanes, sky diving, driving a motorbike while handcuffed to another agent as we are being chased by heavily armed assassins, sliding underneath helicopter rotor blades on a motorbike, leaping over helicopters on a motorbike, motorboat races on the Thames, skiing (beginning by leaping out of a helicopter), deep sea swimming without an oxygen tank, swimming in sub-zero temperatures, running down the sides of buildings, car chases on ice, beating land speed records, surfing with a parachute, jumping out of aeroplanes on switchblades and zip wiring, driving vehicles such as: aeroplanes, motorbikes, cars, snowmobiles, tanks, fighter jets, helicopters, hovercraft, oil pipeline cars and motorboats, sneaking around military bunkers in air vents, guns (especially submachine guns) and gun fights, destroying almost every building or vehicle I enter, explosions and exploding things, car racing, casinos and gambling (especially baccarat), sexually innuendo riddled puns, gadgets and cars with gadgets, swimming, helping/saving helpless and/or injured women, straightening my tie after doing something dangerous or crazy (because one should always look smart), trains, my watch, sex on the beach, tactical assaults, grenades and bombs, my colleague Q, sleeping with a gun under my pillow, falling in love, working with other secret agents, junk boats, diving, submarines, risky decisions, saving women, impaling villains, Christmas in Turkey, Christmas coming more than once a year (that’s an in-joke), surfboarding, faking my own death to escape from a secure facility, travelling- especially to Cuba and China, bird watching, fencing, stealth missions.
Dislikes: My boss, being shot at between the legs, rough sex, being betrayed, being trapped in places that are about to explode, being held at gunpoint, being beaten up, women who get too close for comfort, when my sexual escapades get people I care about murdered, women who have Stockholm Syndrome, women who lie, helicopters with buzz saws attached, people trying to chop me in half, medieval torture devices, being held hostage, almost drowning, nuclear weapons, being held captive as a prisoner and tortured, being videoed, being electrocuted.
I dream about: The women who I have saved over the course of my dazzling career.
About me: Life is full of small challenges, but I will always rise to the occasion. I’m the chiselled sporty type who, although can sometimes lose my cool when pushed, is generally a sucker for women, especially women who are in need of help. If I had to make a choice between the girl or the mission, I would choose the girl every time. I’m not the sort of man who is a user of women- I just have this inherent need to protect every woman I meet. And if they happen to fall for me, or I fall for them, and we start a relationship, well then, that’s just an added bonus. In past relationships I have been accused of being cold, but that’s just a front I put on so that I never let women get too close to me, in case the pressure of my job ends up breaking us apart and as a result we both end up getting hurt. This is why it is much easier to keep people at a distance: I don’t like to see pain inflicted on any woman, and will try everything I can to stop it from happening.
I excel at my job as a secret agent. Sure, I’m known to take risks, but one should always ‘call their bluff’ to make sure whether or not the person you are dealing with is serious. I’m excellent at multi-tasking, and always remain calm under pressure. Even though I don’t believe in the power of on-the-job-subtly, I’m always extremely polite in every situation, and I’m the type of guy who keeps my friends close, but my enemies closer (but I keep the women I am protecting/working with even closer than that). I often work with other secret agents, and when I do, I always ensue that we finish the mission together- I won’t allow anyone to die on my watch (if I can help it).
It may take me a while to trust you, but once I let you in, you won’t be disappointed. Just make sure you don’t betray me. Ever. Or you’ll live to regret it.
The first thing people usually notice about me is: My debonair demeanour
My favourite thing in the world is: Sex in unusual places with women who I have just rescued (e.g. a beach, a jungle, floating debris of a recently destroyed boat, covered in diamonds, during a firework display).
The most intimate thing I am willing to admit is: That I will never argue with a woman- because they are always right. And I never miss. Never.
You should get in touch with me if: You are a vulnerable and beautiful woman in need of help/rescuing.
I am looking for: short term dating/long term dating
James Bond (Daniel Craig)Nationality: English
Location: Based in London, England but I travel. A lot.
Occupation: Secret Agent
Interested in: Emotionally distant/disturbed women (preferably those who are already in committed relationships and/or are hard to get).
Likes: Fighting/hurting/killing people in incredibly violent and brutal ways and in public places, sneaking around, watching animals fighting to the death in Madagascar, driving diggers, destroying property, free running, mixed martial arts and hand to hand combat (especially brawling), heights, gymnastics/acrobatics, looking good in my tightly tailored designer clothes, gadgets, product placement, computer hacking, cars, casinos and card games (especially high stakes poker), leading on beautiful women and using them to get what I want, technology, jumping on or from vehicles/buildings, running, wine, being reckless, women who look fabulous, naming drinks after women I’m attracted to, beaches, the sea, boats, machine guns, car chases, interrogating people, performing stunts with motorbikes and motorboats, the opera, pushing people off buildings, one night stands, flying aeroplanes and jumping out of them mid-air, not following orders, comforting and saving emotionally disturbed women
Dislikes: People who don’t follow my orders, my boss, being tracked by my boss, losing, terrorists who kill innocent people, being poisoned, car crashes, being tortured (especially having my testicles bludgeoned), buildings collapsing around me, watching people I care about die, walking through deserts.
I dream about: One day being whole.
About me: Remain emotionally detached at all times. That’s the first thing they taught me. But who knew that I couldn’t even obey this simple rule? I’m excellent at reading people. I thought I knew everything there was to know about women: that they are disposable pleasures, not meaningful pursuits. But I had it all wrong.
As an indiscreet and brutal killer, who doesn’t even wince when assassinating targets, I never imagined that the only thing that could hurt me was a woman. I’m badass. It’s true. I was once poisoned by a terrorist during a poker tournament and instantly crawled out to my car so that I could defibrillate myself, which I did (with a little assistance) and then went back to the game to win it all. That’s just how damn awesome I am. But my Achilles Heel, my one weakness, is emotionally distant or disturbed women. I’m an orphan, you see, so I didn’t have a mother. Maybe that’s what I’m really searching for: a woman who will love me unconditionally, with a mother’s love. So I decided to let her in. I stripped myself of the armour I had created and gave her everything. I was in love, and so I was hers. I was prepared to give up my very well paid and fun job for her. But in the end, as the saying goes, everyone has a tell. And she betrayed me. So now, I trust no one. I’m difficult to control, but horribly efficient. I’m locked inside a prison in my own head, and so I’ve gone back to being a killing machine. Even though I may hug old friends to comfort them as they die, on the inside, I’m empty. And that is why I’m looking for a woman who is as emotionally vulnerable and volatile as me to fill that hole in my heart.
The dead may not care about vengeance, but I do, and I’ll stop at nothing until I have it.
The first thing people usually notice about me is: My incredible physique.
My favourite thing in the world is: Killing people. It’s what I’m trained for, and what I excel at. And I look good doing it.
The most intimate thing I am willing to admit is:I once jumped into a shower (in my clothes) to comfort a woman who was very upset- and ended up licking her fingers to make her feel better. It didn’t make me feel like an idiot at all- in fact it showed her my sensitive side and helped us to begin a (doomed) relationship. Looking back at it now- perhaps I do regret doing this, since it showed her just how weak and subservient I am to women with emotional problems.
You should get in touch with me if: You are a woman with a troubled past who will love me unconditionally. You only have one shot- so make it count.
I am looking for: casual sex/short term dating/long term dating, possibly marriage
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